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A few days i realized I�am not completily in love with the person I am living with. The person I moved away with. The person I was sure i was so in love with I could spend the rest of my life with. And why do I feel this way?? Becuase Im not balanced with the rest of my life? Becuase the excitment is gone? How do you grow apart from someone you are completily surrounded by everyday. And how do you loose yourself when you hae nothing but yoursef� day in and day out. I�am constantily in my own head hearing my voice criticize myself and those around me, and yearn for more. And yet I�have no motivation to do anything... I feel completily lost in a bubble, watching time and life pass me by. And im sick of it. What do I do? I�need to figure things out.
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Once again it is the weekend Another week thatapos;s flown by really fast. Iapos;m pleased to say that Iapos;m actually feeling better now, pretty much back to normal. That was the first cold Iapos;ve had since last year and luckilly I think I got rid of it quickly enough. I was taking some herbal remedies which I think really helped it clear up quite quickly.
So as for this week Iapos;ve not really been upto much. The weather has been awful so bloody cold. Yet last weekend it was really nice, I even managed to sit in the garden for a little while which was nice.

I had a pretty hectic day on Tuesday, I got up and had breakfast at 6:00am which is something Iapos;m doing alot lately. Then I decided that as I had nothing in particular planned for the day that Iapos;d go back to bed for a little while. So thatapos;s what I did. Then at 8:00am I was woken by this banging. I layed in bed listening to it and wondering if my neighbours had workmen in. Then I heard it again and realised it was someone knocking at the door. I wondered who could be knocking at that time of morning, I was just about to pull the duvet over again when I remembered that I was expecting some deliveries. I didnapos;t expect them so soon. So I rushed down the stairs and found the postman just writing out the little card. I managed to get my delivery and decided that Iapos;d head back to bed. Not much point in getting up early if I had nothing planned. So as I got back into bed my partner decided to call me, he said he was coming over and was leaving now. I suddenly panicked and rushed around getting dressed and put my make-up on. Then had to tidy up a bit so as I was in the middle of tidying the house he called and asked if I wanted to meet in the coffee shop. So then I had to quickly finish tidying and got my bag and coat and left. After about half hour in the coffee shop he came back to mine. So that was all a bit of a rush. Why is it whenever you plan on having a lazy day, getting up late then watching the morning tv, something always comes up, everytime.
Apart from that the rest of the week has been pretty uneventful *lol*

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Weapos;ve been fighting a lot lately, and we had a big one Tuesday night, followed by him not talking to me at all on Wednesday...We cleared things up last night and this morning, so itapos;s better now. Iapos;m still kind of bummed out about the whole ordeal, but trying to be cheerful. Tomorrow is his last work day before heapos;s taking a week of vaca. :) So thatapos;ll be cool for him to get some down time and possibly get some things done around the house. I ended up not driving 2 hours to go to class today, because Iapos;m just so tired from the last two days of the bickering and crying and getting pissed off. So, instead, I got up at my normal time and made an apple pie for Mike, and I might go grocery shopping, though itapos;s not looking like thatapos;s actually going to happen today. Iapos;m thinking Iapos;ll get the carpet steamer out and clean the carpets since there are dirty boot marks all over.

Oh my gosh, Charley has BAD gas right now Sheapos;s laying right next to me, sending a few silent gas missiles my way.....yuck I think Iapos;ll change rooms...lol

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edvard grig

ldquo;Que rarordquo; HAHA, la gente ya no se sorprende, se sorprende cuando le digo ldquo;estoy re bienrdquo;. Lo demas ya es como una base de mi vida.

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Como me frustra todo esto, como me frustras vos, quiero poder escuchar a todos, quiero poder hacerles caso, darles la razon, quiero poder ser mala, pero de verdad, quiero poder alejarme y que me pierdas. Quiero que extra�es todo lo que siempre me vivis criticando, quiero que necesites mis reacciones de mierda, que te hagan falta mis celos innecesarios. Pero no puedo, y en realidad no quiero alejarme, pero siempre me pregunto como seria para vos eso, creo que en realidad no me alejo porque tengo miedo que no me necesites ni me extra�es at all.

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Vos? Quiero que dejes de quejarte y pensar que tu vida es lo peor del mundo, que dejes de pensar que tenes la razon de todo y que viviste todo, que siempre sabes que siempre todo es asi. Date cuenta por favor todo lo que tenes, abri los ojos. Deja de quedarte estancada diciendo que la vida de los demas es facil, es genial, y que a vos te pasa todo lo malo, todos tenemos problemas, muchos, y que vos no los veas o no les des importancia no significan que no duelan o que no sean grandes. En vez de quejarte por lo que no tenes, tomate un tiempito y mira lo que si tenes, y aprecialo, porque cuando no lo tengas mas te vas a quejar de eso tambien si no, aprende a aprovecharlo.

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Me tienen podrida todos.

TODOS.

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Estan todos tan absortos en ellos mismos.

�

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xox

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